Melania “Didn’t you know I was the KGB-selected wife of a KGB-installed Russian agent before all of this” Trump, badly imitating human emotions just right.

Meanwhile, our soon-to-be former Kommandant-in-Chief complains, most likely while lying in bed just across the street, gobbling bon-bons and watching TV, that the army of paint-and-fur-beclad munchkins he led on his own capitol were a bunch of disorganized idiots with no plan. Who’d have suspected?

Don’t die for a lie!